she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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