community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
