Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
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I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
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just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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