mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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