his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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