that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
