Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
