The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
a search helicopter?!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
