so explain again why im purple
no
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
