I wish you could order shots online.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I love having hate sex.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
