he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
