any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
