with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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