I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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