just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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