yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
