WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
