you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
