hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
