So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you will always have a special place in my vag
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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