every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
