it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
