i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
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when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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