I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
