Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
