my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
