So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
