I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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