We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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