You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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