dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
