Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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