I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
