you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
