I think scott just propositioned me for sex
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
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The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer