girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.