we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.