he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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