I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.