I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.