That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
