I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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