I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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