dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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