remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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