that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Randomize
