i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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