I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
