omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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