chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
