I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
