Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She bit a glass in half.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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