You smell like a Billy Joel song
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
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