At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
