Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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