feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
