every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
