My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
