I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Who died my cat blue again?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
