Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
