I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
