im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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