Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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