The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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