i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am spending my child support on dildos
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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