i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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