Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
