I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
