It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
