I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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