while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
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Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
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My liver is preforming stress tests.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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