will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
