i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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