Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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