There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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