I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
