Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
