I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
