her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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