its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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