Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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