You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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