how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
