We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
